Love Him, Love His Kids by Stan Wenck & Connie J. Hansen

Author:Stan Wenck & Connie J. Hansen
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Adams Media, Inc.
Published: 2009-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 8

Creating Family Rituals

of Your Own

Have you and your partner established a schedule regarding when to get up, mealtimes, homework, and bedtimes? Have you created rules for visiting friends, having friends over, and related communication? Have you established curfews? Are the kids accustomed to different rules in their biological mom’s house? Isn’t this your house? What about etiquette and courtesies? What permissions are necessary? What happens during weekends? Lingering cloudy issues lurk here, say veteran stepmoms.

Suddenly, life gets more complex. You’d come to appreciate the peace, privacy, and independence of having that neat apartment, condo, or cute little house all to yourself. You made it yours in selecting your own favorite colors, carpet, flooring, and furniture. The closets and garage were all yours. But something (actually someone ) was missing. You’ve found him. He met almost all the things on your shopping list. Moving in just with him (or he with you) and sharing space, time, and preferences was quite an adjustment in itself. And now his kids will be coming. Whether it’s every other weekend or most of time, there will be lots of new family rituals, compromises, and strategies to work out.

When to Get Out of Bed

When joining a new family together, take some time to determine everyone’s personal habits, practices, and needs. Don’t expect to move in with a schedule posted on the refrigerator for everyone to consult and adhere to. Before you can see how your new family hums along together, try figuring out just where to start. In spite of your possible need for organization and cohesive management, observe long enough to figure out how this new group operates. If the kids have lived with your new husband, they probably already have some kind of system in place. Maybe it’s not to your exact specifications and appears a little haphazard, but it’s probably worked for them in the past. If your new step-kids are teenagers, we’d say they usually have figured out when to get up, eat, and somehow get to school, work, or practice. If not, you’ve got some work ahead of you.

Work Together to Establish Routine

Communication before your marriage, or as early as possible, is crucial in determining how your new family will operate. Daily rituals can be as important as the seemingly bigger challenges of holidays and birthdays. After all, you don’t want to spend the first week hanging outside the bathroom door waiting for your turn. If you walk in and trip over wet towels and find the hot water depleted, you will start each day angry and frustrated.

We can’t stress enough the need for patience. Step back at first and tread slowly. If you come on like a dictator, as in “I’m the adult . it’s my house!” you will be met with resistance and hostility. Respect and consideration are critical, and kids (his and yours) learn best by the example you set. We are not telling you that you don’t have needs and demands as well. Just be patient and try to learn as much as you can during the early adjustment period.

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